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Tuesday
Feb112014

Coping, Storms and Adorable Sh*t

NaBloPoMo Theme of the Day: What helps you keep thoughts in perspective so they don't overwhelm you? :::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::

Well, historically I lean on a technique that has been passed down from generation to generation in my family. I drink wine. It fixes very little but makes you very interested in the people immediately surrounding you. You feel smarter and suddenly people start being funny. Then time passes and you wake up looking for darkness and aspirins. True story.

In Related News: 

Inspired Man Bolts Out Of Bed At 3 A.M. To Jot Down Great New Worry

Moving on...

There is a storm coming to my region within 24 hours that is forecasted as 'the End of the World'.

End of the winter? No, not that.

End of this shitty economy? Nope.

End of Bob Costas' ever-spreading flesh-eating eye infection? Duh, no. Nothing could stop that.

Just the End of the World.

So if you are a non-essential gov't employee that means you have just set yourself up for a FIVE DAY WEEKEND. Go with Allah... to the liquor store where the rest of you are buying the place out. Meanwhile it is 61 degrees in Sochi.

On a totally un-related topic:

I spent an hour sitting next to a totally hilarious 5 year old girl at Tae Kwon Do last night. She is the funniest person I have ever met. We were both playing on our iPads while watching her brother/ my son through the maternity ward window on to the class.

She asked me what app I was playing and I told her I was checking the weather. She told me that that sounded boring. I admitted that it was. I then asked her what she was playing.

"I'm playing with my Poo."

"hmm? What's that?" [blink]

"He's my pet. I take care of him. Look - I can make him FAT by feeding him candy. Oh, let's feed him CHOCOLATE! He gets dirty when you feed him chocolate. But that is when you can wash him with the SOAP! Then he's not dirty anymore! But he is still FAT. I can make him skinny. Wanna see? Watch! If I make him eat vegetables he gets all skinny. Ewww skinny Poo. Yuck.  Isn't that silly? Let's dress him up!!  Oh, I have to pay money to buy colored outfits for him.(sadness) He can only be in his brown outfit because I have no money to buy him pretty things. (more sadness)"

Accessorize your turd if you aren't too poor.

This went on for 45 minutes. I was desperately trying to find an audio record feature on my iPad so that I could capture the dialogue. It was PRICELESS.

I have since downloaded this surrealistic app for iPad and gifted one to Yenny (delivered while she was at work at XM in the God chair) (Surprise Yenny! Look what I got you! [insert no explanation])

I HIGHLY recommend YOU download this stupid, stupid app if you are weird or have children to use as a cover.

Check it out on the App Store HERE.

It may not be half as hysterical without this little girl though. I am going to bring a sound studio to Tae Kwon Do tomorrow night to try and record her again.

"Hi little girl - wanna play the Pou app with me again?"

{that's not creepy and awkward, right?}

"now speak into the boom."

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